England Test captain Ben Stokes said on Tuesday he feared he might not play again after taking an extended break from cricket last year to focus on his well-being.
Stokes decided to prioritize her mental health after suffering a series of panic attacks following her father’s death from brain cancer nearly two years ago.
Speaking about his state of mind before taking the break, Stokes told the BBC: “It wasn’t more than two weeks or a couple of months. It built up for a long, long time, maybe even three or four years.
“It was like I had a glass bottle that I kept pouring my emotions into. Eventually she got too full and just blew up.”
Stokes addresses his mental health in depth in an Amazon documentary, set to premiere on Friday and featuring interviews with England players past and present, including teammate Stuart Broad.
In a trailer for the documentary, Broad says that he might have seen Stokes never play again, and when asked if that possibility had ever crossed his mind, Stokes said; “At that time, yes. That’s where I was.”
“I had never talked to Stuart about it during my time away,” Stokes added.
“I talked to him a lot during that period, but just general talk, nothing too serious. He had never said the words to him, that I can’t play again, but the fact that he had that feeling was eye opening to me that…things were pretty bad.”
Stokes announced in July that he would withdraw from one-day cricket citing the “untenable” rigor of playing all three formats of the game. read more
On Monday, he told the Telegraph that he felt a deep resentment towards cricket because he had not been able to visit his dying father as much as he wanted.
“So I had a real thing with cricket at the time I took a break. I was really mad at the sport because it dictated when I could see my dad,” Stokes said.
The multifaceted also emphasized the importance of opening up about mental health.
“Sometimes I find that people are a little nervous about going into detail about that kind of thing with me,” he said.
“It is perceived that you cannot feel a certain way, that is a sign of weakness to show that you do not feel well mentally. People think they can’t ask people who have had problems. Not well. I will gladly tell you as much as I can.”
